A New Walk - Chapter 13

Luckly wokeup next morning knowing Rashid mara7 eyey at least not anytime soon...

I was still in bed I couldn't sleep last night I felt homesick abi my friends, family, I don't know how long Aziz nawi yig3ad..

Aziz called from work,

Aziz:"nayma"

Me:"hmm"

Aziz:"3azmeena AlJohara w 3abdallah 3ala ilghada"

Me:"Zain 3ala ma to9al min il dawam inta Ana akoun zahba"

Aziz:"tam bye..."

Got up feeling dizzy showered w libast 

We met up at the table at an Italian restaurant,

Aljohara:"hala hala hala bilga63a...wa7ashteeni wshlounik"

Me:"hala w ghala wallah throuf Ana akthar"

Aziz and abdullah khathait'hum il suwalif...

After a while 3ugub ma khala9na lunch w strolled around London's streets

AlJohara:"3bdullah ngoulihum al7een?"

3bdullah:"Aljohara 7amil bil shahar il rabi3..."

Aziz and I:"mashallaaaaah allah ytamim 3alaikum"

I was happy for them but I couldn't forget about my loss it triggered a feeling that was long forgotten. Aziz grasped my hand and gave it a tight squeez which made me feel better. 

By 6 pm we all headed back home 

*in the car* 

Aziz:"Haya...shrayich nig3ad hnee nafs ma kina gabil Ana ajabil shighel ubouy winan6ir your uni's work.."

Me:"Aziz hatha ili kint khayfa mina, I would stay itha kint mit6ara bas Aziz kilna nadri shighel your father Nhi can be handled by the manager w ayshay y9eee tigdar t7acheehum over the phone bilkuwait...Aziz abi ahali rab3i w ba3dain tadri ina sajalt university already bil Kuwait mu ila akamil hni"

The rest of the ride home was quite, 

Until we went up I was fiddling around with fixing my bracelets 

Aziz:"inzain ma widich b yahil shiftay far7at 3abdullah w Aljohara"

I got up and went to my room I couldn't deal with this topic, first time I got pregnant as much as Id hate to admit it but it was a mistake I should've waited longer we're both younge I want to get done with university first la2ina shthamb the child I don't feed him enough attention w get busy with university's work?!? 

Aziz kan mnrfiz bil 9ala untill I heard the door slam shut, akeed 6ala3 yrou7 3ind rab3a...

The night came along and I slept tight trying as hard as possible to forget about what has happend today...

I woke up next moring Aziz wasn't home, oohooo ya3ni suwalif za3lan banam 3ind rab3i...

I grabbed the phone and looked at the text...

"Haya my mother allah y6awil b3umerha once told me. Love can sometimes not be enough. Ma 9adagt'ha when I married you and even the love we had in high school. But now I do realise what she said was right and itha your not willing ina tyeebeeli yahil fa mu 9a3ba ina aku ghairich"

The last line. Shinu? Aziz ma a9adig...never would I have thought Aziz would say such words...Laish ma fakar how id feel? How pregnancy would ruin some of my plans to get back on my feet again.

Selfish. Truly selfish.

Madri min a7achi w agoula mabi I get anybody into the mess that I am in

HE wants to stay in London 

HE wants a baby 

HE messed around with another girl 

HE HE HE....and I've been taking in so much.

I got up washed my face in the sink and drank some water to sooth my racing heartbeats down. I felt small, unimportant, attention-less, lonely. I have no one to talk to and figure this out with.

9alait rak3itain and my heartbeats started soothing down.

I got up hugged the pillows and cried my self back to sleep "abi arid il kuwait, mabi chithi mabi chithi" was all that got out of my mouth 

Ga3adt it was later it was 12 pm I grabbed the phone and decided to text him back I couldn't wait longer...

"Aziz,.....